Poké-File Island
by Yogurt-Time
Summary: Erix Superstar, a very insufferable OC, ends up on an island inhabited by female Pokémon. Can any good come out of this situation?


**I've been feeling a little out of it when it comes to my stories... I thought writing something unrelated would help.**

**Please don't take any part of this story seriously.**

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Once upon a time in a Pokémon region that isn't in the games, there was a 17-year old boy named Erix Superstar, who had dirty-blonde hair that reached past his eyebrows, slightly tanned skin and some muscle, and always wore brand-name sneakers, tattered jeans and shirts he bought from Hot Topic using money he got from selling weed to kids on the street.

However, if there was one thing Erix hated, it was that he was always outcasted in school among his peers because he was an avid enthusiast of the Bleach anime series, which his classmates called "a shit-tastic Naruto ripoff."

Naturally, Erix's hatred for Naruto and love for Bleach had landed him into some hot water with the more belligerent classmates, but any fights that he got into were easily won since he used his Charizard to burn the people he hated. He didn't know it, but he was exceedingly lucky that the police had never gotten savvy to his antics, nor did his single mother, who overdosed daily on cough syrup after her husband had committed suicide by way of Tyranitar's Hyper Beam.

As awesome as he considered himself, Erix was unsatisfied that he had no friends to discuss Bleach with, since he was banned from every internet forum he could access as a result of his uncivil behavior and lack of online etiquette, and Skype was outlawed in his region due to a recent scandal involving a local man who owned a Porygon farm. Luckily for him, an opportunity presented itself one day in August, when he walked all the way to the docks after skipping school that day. Erix saw that he could sneak on-board into a nearby barge without anyone noticing, after he concealed himself inside a crate of handmade baklava.

Soon, the crate that he hid inside was carried to the barge, which was quick to set sail after thirty-two minutes of hiding; Erix didn't really know how long it took, but he liked to guess to feel smart.

But then, something interesting happened; the barge had capsized after bumping into a Gyarados, which did not take the accident well and began to rampage, scattering the crates across the oceans.

Erix was still trapped in the crate of baklava when the cargo fell into the water, and he had no choice but to drift in the direction of the ocean's current.

More later, Erix washed up on shore, to a lush island full of palm trees, fresh fruits and clean drinking water. Naturally, he was very sad that he had just survived a major disaster and was separated from his negligent family and abusive classmates.

Erix: **CRAWLING IN MY SKIN / THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL.**

Erix's feelings were best summarized by his favorite Nickelback song; he revered Nickelback as mortal deities and despised pop, J-pop, K-pop, hip-hop, R&B, country Western, trance, techno, chiptune, house, classical, opera, grunge, dubstep, salsa, mambo, jazz, a capella, soul funk and disco music in all its forms, just as he despised all who enjoyed said music.

"Who's there?" called out a voice. Erix was alerted to the voice and pulled out the shotgun that his back-alley karate sensei had given him after realizing that Erix lacked the discipline to take 8 weeks of karate lessons.

Erix: Fuck off, voice I have a gun

Suddenly, a Pokémon had appeared into view, and Erix put away his gun. It was a Gardevoir, which made Erix smile.

Erix: HUBBA HUBBA

What nobody knew was that Erix was sexually attracted to anthropomorphized Pokémon, and it was an attraction that had started in his early days of adolescence, after he was surfing the internet with the help of AOL. He was fascinated by a sudden ad that appeared on his homepage, and clicked it to end up on a site full of lewd and explicit images depicting female Pokémon engaging in acts of fornication with generic male humans.

It was that discovery that fostered Erix's underground addiction for Poké-tits and Poké-ass.

Luckily for Erix, the Gardevoir was female, which he could tell because he hated male Gardevoirs. "Hello, my name is Ivana Fuxalot, and I used my psychic powers to notice you being here."

Erix: HNNNGH Gardevoir GRAHH

Erix dove in to grope Gardevoir's ample bust, but she used a hand made of psychic energy to slap him away.

"Why are you touching my pectoral tumors?!" she yelled. "Don't you know that this island has an undersea lab where horny scientists ran experiments to combine Pokémon with sexy women to fulfill their sexual fantasies, but something went wrong and everyone involved was affected by the severe radiation? I'll be lucky to live for another month!"

Erix: Let's have sex

The Gardevoir shrugged with a big smile on her face. "Okay."

Erix: Aww ye #swag

Erix made the first move and tore off his pants, and acted experienced even though he was a virgin, and didn't get to first base with any of the girls at school because they didn't have big breasts and that made him mad.

Erix: I'm going to have sex, my life is complete at last.

He tried to pull off the Gardevoir's dress, but couldn't because it's a part of her body and not something she wears, and that made Erix feel pretty stupid.

"Do you want to see what I have between my legs?" the Gardevoir asked seductively.

Erix: SEX

What the Gardevoir did not tell Erix was that a Gardevoir's reproductive organs are vastly different to a human's; after all, that is why they were assigned to the Amorphous egg group and not the Human-Like egg group, even the most staunch of Pokémon breeders could not describe a Gardevoir's genitalia without feeling the effects of nausea. Erix barfed after seeing Gardevoir's crotch. He was afraid that his unusually big penis would melt off after coming into contact with it.

Erix: Where's a Pokémon I can fuck dammit

Gardevoir was disappointed that Erix would not have sex with her, but deep down she knew that she was sexualized so often by horny males that she was considered "vanilla" in comparison to more esoteric Pokémon such as Serperior and Froslass. Then she explained to Erix. "There are a lot of female Pokémon on this island that were affected by the experiment. You see, the scientists were also Digimon fans, and they also named this island File Island, after the island in Digimon of the same name, and due to their shared affinity towards female Pokémon, they decided to call it Poké-File Island."

But Erix was already gone; he ran off after taking off all his clothes to show female Pokémon how badly he wanted to have an orgy with Braixen and Blaziken, or whatever else was available.

Suddenly, two people had come to Erix's rescue after authorities were informed of a boy that had gone missing due to the accident.

"Kyaaa~! A naked boy! So sexy!"

"My poor _kokoro_ can't take it!"

As soon as Erix heard what came out of their mouths, he realized who they were, and he frothed at the mouth in rage.

Erix: I HATE YAOI FANGIRLS

Because Erix masturbated so often (he went through 10 bottles of soothing lotion every month) to straight and lesbian pictures and fanfiction stories of Pokémon x Pokémon and Pokémon x Human on the internet, he grew to despise anyone who wasted precious bandwidth by posting gay porn of humans and Pokémon, which never ceased to displease his boner. Erix came to the realization that gay porn, or "yaoi" as it was known in the mountainous plains of Mongolia, was created to appeal to girls who were attracted to handsome male characters, and swore a blood oath to kill them all, in the hopes that all gay porn would be expunged from the face of the earth.

He shot the girls with his gun, and they quickly died.

"Nooo! How will I update my Tumblr blog if I'm dead?!"

Erix: Fuck Tumblr, I'm never going there after someone posted yaoi of Naruto and that other guy from Naruto!

"You mean Sasuke?" said one of the girls, even as blood seeped from her various bullet wounds. "He's _kawaii~_! Marry me Sasuke!"

Erix ran out of bullets, and so he left the fujoshi girls to bleed to death, or better yet, get mauled and raped by female lesbian Ursarings; he laughed like a mentally unstable sociopath when he considered the possibility of that happening.

Erix: TOPMOST LEL

"Who's laughing like a mentally unstable sociopath?" said a female Mewtwo that oversaw the island and acted as interim leader among the female Pokémon.

Erix: Holy snickerdoodles a Mewtwo with titties! I hit the jackpot

"These are not titties, you foolish human!" said Mewtwo. "These are tumors that developed after I was exposed to the radiation! Are you too stupid not to remember that?"

Erix: Let's fuck sexy bitsh

Erix proceeded to try having hella awesome sex with the Mewtwo, but her vast and uncontrollable power was too much for him even as they were caught in the throes of copulation, and Erix's body was vaporized into thin air.

"Another human destroyed by my hand… This island needs to be destroyed," contemplated Mewtwo. "But what if there's a sequel to this story?" she said as she faced the fourth wall.

The news of Erix's death had quickly reached his hometown somehow, and though his body was never found, he had a coffin buried in his honor, which was occupied by a body pillow with a DeviantArt-commissioned drawing of a nude Erix printed on it; the body pillow was supplied by the school's principal, who made all the students of Erix's school attend the funeral. It counted as their yearly field trip, but their disappointment was easily assuaged when the school's AV club honored Erix with a Naruto AMV set to "Let the bodies hit the floor", which all the students loved.

Even though Pokémon-human relationships were outlawed as a result of the incident, Erix's mother, Ms. Denise Superstar, went into hiding and married a male Conkeldurr after six months of rehab, and together they adopted a baby boy.

And Erix's mother swore that they would raise their son to be more accepting of the choices that other people made.


End file.
